Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Traditional Art / Hobbyist BreannFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 214 Deviations 4,322 Comments 7,177 Pageviews

Watchers

Friends

Activity


Headphones by Nnaerb-dbz-fan
Headphones
So, I'm a total idiot! I realized, only after I had written everything so prettily, that I wrote the quote incorrectly. The way I put it still technically makes sense. I'm just so upset with myself! UGH. Anyway, This is my second attempt. How does it look? I'm getting something new....I plan to work with it for my next drawing! Tell me what you thin, please. I'm always looking to improve! If you can't tell, it's Markiplier! Sorry my lovely followers, I will probably be spamming you with Markiplier. I hope you don't mind!
Loading...
Hope in Darkness by Nnaerb-dbz-fan
Hope in Darkness

Hello everyone! I am BACK and I am feeling GOOD! That has been a loooonnnnng time coming. I've started to take care of me and I must admit, that I am proud of the progress I've made. Anyway, below there is a little bit of my story. You can skip it. It's really long, and I know that a lot of people will, and it's understandable. :) This is a picture of Markiplier! If you don't know who he is, I really think you should look him up. On his YouTube channel you will find: "hilarious gaming videos, original comedy sketches, animated parodies, and other various bits of entertainment (I got that directly from here: www.youtube.com/user/markiplie…)!" That is his YouTube channel. Check him out because I don't think you'll regret it. 

By the way, those quotes on the picture are some quotes that he has said that I found really inspirational. There's one that is cut off, but it says, "If you can use those fears to shape who you will be and push past them, you can do anything."

**********************

Hello, everyone! I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and I’ve decided it’s time that you all know some things about me. 


First of all, my name is Breann. I am the oldest of four children (but I grew up as if I was an only child. I was a very sickly baby and I wasn’t being taken care of, so my grandmother/mother—she’s the one I’ll talk about later—took me in). I’m a freshman in college. I’ve been in a verbal abusive relationship and I’ve been diagnosed with Depression, anxiety, and OCD.

I’ve been bullied for as long as I can remember. I’ve been called all the unoriginal names. You know the ones: fatty, fugly, piggy, etc. I have a very low self-esteem. I used to feel like I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, or talented enough. This was all before the age of six. 

Flash forward a little bit, at the age of nine years old, my entire life changed. My mother (grandmother) and my grandfather got into a serious car accident. My grandfather received a broken leg and a broken neck. My mother, however, was in a much more serious state. The motor of the truck they were driving came back and crushed her legs and punctured her lungs. She hit her head on the windshield and messed up her eye. This event left me a little hurt and confused. There were times that we thought she would never return home.

 For those who don’t know, my mother means the world to me. She has always been there when no one else was. I love her very deeply and this event left little Breann…very closed off and very depressed. I had to grow up really early. I learned how to cook, clean, and wash laundry. When my mother finally returned home, I had to take care of her. We were told she would never walk again (fortunately now she is much better. She is walking again and we are all much happier!). Anyway, the depression and anxiety wouldn’t go away and so a year later, I was diagnosed with Depression, anxiety, and OCD (I was in denial for years and I wasn’t getting better for a long time).

When I was fifteen, my father did drugs and he would get so angry. We lived in constant fear that he was going to hit one of us or be sent off to jail. Fortunately, he never did, but…it was a terrifying time for my little brother and sisters. There was constant fighting and abuse was being slurred at every available opportunity. I became suicidal and took up a little bit of self-harm. I was able to knock that habit for a little while because I met my Person and she made me happy. She probably will never know just how much she helped me. (For those of you who don’t know what a ‘Person’ is, it’s time to educate yourselves: www.youtube.com/watch?v=U25LlY… . She’s more than just a best friend and more than just like a family member…She’s my person.)

At the age of sixteen, I discovered that my biological mother signed away all of her rights to me. She gave me up when I was just a baby. I’m not a fan of my biological mother or her family. They don’t like me very much. My (grandmother) mother took me in and I’ve been living with her ever since.

This is the fun part…. At the age of eighteen/nineteen, I was in a verbally abusive relationship with a guy I was desperately in love with. The emotion was not returned. He brought back all the insecurities I thought I had lived past. He made me feel ugly, worthless, and all around bad. He would get so angry and he would shout abuse and then apologize by saying he would never do it again and that he loved me. And I forgave him…over and over and over again, because I honestly didn’t think I deserved any better. He told me he loved me and I thought he did.

Well, one day, that illusion was shattered in one of the worst possible ways. He knows all of my insecurities, faults, weak points, and he knew that I was suicidal. He told me to go and kill myself. If I hadn’t been at school, I would have. I was in such a dark place for such a long time, that I was on the brink of suicide during our entire relationship. I was cutting again. It was much more serious than it ever was before. He made me feel as though no one cared. I was so secluded and I had never felt this alone before. If it were not for the help of my person and another friend, I would have gone home and committed suicide. I have never been so happy to say how wrong I was. Suddenly, I had so much support from friends, relatives, and people I had never met before! I stopped cutting and I’ve been clean for almost a year! I’m better than I have been in years!

My life has turned around completely without him in my life, but I was still not doing so great. The relationship still had lasting damage. I was unhappy and with summer on the way, I knew I was going to be alone until school started back and I became increasingly depressed again.

However, my Person sent me a link to a YouTube channel and she told me to check it out. She said that this guy’s name was Markiplier and that he was SUPER funny. I clicked on the link and I would have never dreamt that his channel would change my life so irrevocably.  I can have full on tears streaming down my face, and he can make me smile. Not only that, but then I’ll be crying from laughter 

Mark, if you ever see this, I just want you to know how big of an impact you have made on my life. I want to thank you for helping me through some of the darkest moments in my life. I have felt so alone but I can watch your videos and I am filled with hope and then I don’t feel so alone. Mark, you show me that we are never alone. That means the world to me. 

 You matter to people. You have changed our lives. You give us hope when we feel like we have none. You inspire us to reach beyond what we feel is within our reach. You make us believe that there is still good in the world. You let us know that we are not alone. You matter so much and I hope that you know that. Everyone that I have spoken to about you has told me how much he or she loves you. We do. I’m sure we all do.

I’m sorry that I’m not better with words. I’m not the best writer, but I wanted you to know how much you have inspired and helped me through the darkest times. I am afraid I’ll never be able to express my gratitude. But, thank you for being kind, funny, smart, nerdy, goofy, silly, and just wonderful. I love you as a person and I’m so happy I stumbled across your channel. Thank you for being you. You will always have me as a viewer. I’m just sorry I didn’t know about your channel sooner. 

**********************

Loading...
We are screaming, yet no one seems to hear.
We cry at night so that we may hide our tears.
We pull away, say "I'm fine" and fake our smiles.
We just want to forget and pretend awhile.

We are not sad, and we do not grieve.
We're gasping for air while others breathe.
We hold our heads high to appear strong,
So others won't know there's anything wrong.

We don't want to fight, we're tired of this war.
We honestly don't want to be here anymore.
We stain our wrists because we want to feel.
Reality strikes... We'll never heal.

They don't understand and they'll never see
How hard we try to be normal and happy.
We walk among the living as empty shells,
Doing the best we can while living through hell.
Sinking by Nnaerb-dbz-fan
Sinking
I redrew this image. I found it on Pinterest, so if you are the original artist, let me know and I'll give you credit for sparking this idea.

If you can't read my sloppy handwriting....

"I'm struggling to hang on, but I'm sinking below.
Wouldn't it be easier to just let go?"

I live with depression. I have been having really bad days recently and I feel as though I'm sinking beneath the water's surface. I'm slowly drowning. I want to get better but when it gets so bad... I don't want to. I feel numb and hollow. I'm battling it out, though. I'm still here.
Loading...
To all my friend here on DeviantArt, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long! Life has been getting in the way and I'm trying to catch up. To those who have contacted me recently with mentions or comments on work or my profile, I promise to get to them tomorrow. Today's been a long day and I'm really tired. Again, I'm sorry it's been forever since I was on, but I hope that I can make it up to you guys!
  • Mood: Guilty

deviantID

Nnaerb-dbz-fan
Breann
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
I'm an artist. I use music to draw :heart: I believe that everyone should be treated equally and fairly. I go to church but I promise not to judge you by what you believe or who you wish to date (that is none of my business) I'm in love with Theatre. I've just started this year and I have to say... THAT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT! My favorite color is blue and I like to listen to sad and depressing music. It makes me happy :heart: I will try anyway in the world to help you. (if you have a problem, if you need a shoulder, I'll be there. :D). I will answer any note you want to write me (unless it's belittling someone else or disrespecting someone or something). Anything else? Just ask :D.

:iconcommenters1plz::iconcommenters2plz:
:iconrandomcommentplz1::iconrandomcommentplz2:
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Groups

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconjacinta--maggie:
Jacinta--Maggie Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2015
Hello!!!! : D : D
How have you been??? : ) :hug:
Reply
:iconsparrowcrazy:
sparrowcrazy Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hiii! Idk if you're still on here but if you are then.. I wish you a very Merry Christmas!

I'm not gonna be on da next week so I'm a bit early with it this year.

I hope you are well and that you'll have a great holiday.

I wish you all the best Breann, thank you for being an amazing friend! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconqwibes:
qwibes Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014   Writer
Thanks for the fave dear :rose:
How are you?
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Student Artist
Hey~~

Just wanted to thank you for the fave!

Also, since I'm currently focusing on music, I was wondering if you'd be interested in supporting me in that endeavor of mine?

If you are, I can link you to where you can find that stuff!
Reply
:iconnnaerb-dbz-fan:
Nnaerb-dbz-fan Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sure! Go ahead and send it :D
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Student Artist
Okay!

Here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEbreA…

Let me know what you think :)
Reply
:iconlocationcreator:
LocationCreator Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
fav.me/d7amvii   I hope you will submit some theatre work for this :icontheatreartists:challenge!
Reply
:iconchrysophylaxcreates:
ChrysophylaxCreates Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for faving my stuff!  I have a smattering of fan art in my gallery, if you would like to check such things out. 

Likewise, if you'd like me to take a look at anything in your gallery, let me know!

:icondoctorwinkplz: 

Allons-y!
Reply
:iconjeremyarts:
JeremyArts Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thank you so so much for dropping my my page and 
dropping me a Fav on my final painting : My Rebirth !
My Rebirth 5/5 (FOR SALE) by JeremyArts  
Reply
:iconlimarieinred:
limarieinred Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hi! Thank you for the +fav 
Reply
Add a Comment: