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Totally disregard this journal entry. I just need to vent. I have had a bad day and I needed to tell someone about it.

Last year I became a part of Theater. I got to work with so many amazing people and learn so many new things and the best thing happened to me! I got the lead role! I was so excited but..... Another girl got the lead as well. We both preformed the leading role because the Director thought we both did a good job. We had a split cast and different show nights. I was so happy that I didn't care that I only got half of the performances and I'm still grateful that I got that opportunity. Well, that play ended and now we are starting another play with the same characters (the author of the plays added a few more, but that's not the important thing). I'm not naive enough to assume I've already got the part, because there are so many talented people. That's not what has hurt me so much.

What hurts me is that, no matter how hard I had tried. No matter how well my performance was...I still don't believe I'm good enough. I've had people come up to me and tell me that they liked me better (I'm childish, I know and in no way am I trying to brag). I've had people who believed I was made for that role.

I would become so happy... Then I get those people who say, "Oh Sarah! (that's not her name, but I don't want to be rude) Your performance was spectacular! I laughed every time I watched you perform! I hope you get to be *Character's name here* (most of you know the character but, I'm again not trying to be rude)! Let Breann be *Other Character*. We want you as *lead Character's name* Sarah!"

I'm being so childish, I know I am but...... If I hear anyone speak badly of Sarah I would defend her. I would defend her acting abilities. I would commend her and I would praise her. It just hurts hearing people speak to Sarah, and having her agree with everything they say. I genuinely don't believe that I deserved the role. I was so surprised when my Director picked me. I constantly worried that I wouldn't be good enough (one reason is because it was my first year doing anything to do with Theater, and the Director told me that I wouldn't even get a role) or that I would disappoint my Director and make him regret that he picked me (I even dreamed him saying, " Sorry Breann, You're not really *Character's name*! Sarah does so much of a better job than you! You're out!").

Again.... I know I'm being Childish.. I am disgusted by how childish I am being but..... Once you work so hard, or when you put so much time, patience, energy, and yourself into a character and you hear someone say (and I'm paraphrasing) that you're not good enough. It's like a slap to your face. It makes me have my self doubts again. I know I have a very low view of myself, and this doesn't help. I felt like I did when I first started Theater.

I won't say anything to Sarah. I won't even say anything to my Director. I'll keep this to myself. I'll smile when I hear these things. I'll continue to praise Sarah and the other cast members. I'll still act. But......I'll still have moments where I don't believe I'm good enough. I'll still doubt my worth to the production and I will hide a little more of myself away. I'll carry on.
  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Say Somethin- A Great Big World

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Nnaerb-dbz-fan
Breann
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
I'm an artist. I use music to draw :heart: I believe that everyone should be treated equally and fairly. I go to church but I promise not to judge you by what you believe or who you wish to date (that is none of my business) I'm in love with Theatre. I've just started this year and I have to say... THAT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT! My favorite color is blue and I like to listen to sad and depressing music. It makes me happy :heart: I will try anyway in the world to help you. (if you have a problem, if you need a shoulder, I'll be there. :D). I will answer any note you want to write me (unless it's belittling someone else or disrespecting someone or something). Anything else? Just ask :D.

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:iconlocationcreator:
LocationCreator Apr 7, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
fav.me/d7amvii   I hope you will submit some theatre work for this :icontheatreartists:challenge!
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:iconchrysophylaxcreates:
ChrysophylaxCreates Mar 31, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for faving my stuff!  I have a smattering of fan art in my gallery, if you would like to check such things out. 

Likewise, if you'd like me to take a look at anything in your gallery, let me know!

:icondoctorwinkplz: 

Allons-y!
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:iconjeremyarts:
JeremyArts Mar 20, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thank you so so much for dropping my my page and 
dropping me a Fav on my final painting : My Rebirth !
My Rebirth 5/5 (FOR SALE) by JeremyArts  
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:iconlimarieinred:
limarieinred Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hi! Thank you for the +fav 
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:iconsparrowcrazy:
sparrowcrazy Feb 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the Valentine dear..:hug: It was from you, right? :ninja:
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:iconnnaerb-dbz-fan:
Nnaerb-dbz-fan Feb 17, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No :( I haven't been on dA in a long time. I've been trying to work hard on my studies since I have only got two more years left in school before I go off to college. This will be kind of crummy but....

:heart: :heart: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! :heart: :heart:
 
Heart free avatar Heart - Free Heart - Free Heart Love Panda Emoji-07 (Snuggy) [V1] .:meow:. Custom heart [Sweet Pink] Custom heart [Crystal Blue] Custom heart [Royal Blue] Custom heart [Soft Purple]

Thank you for mine though love! It's very sweet! I'm sorry I didn't send you one! If I'd known that dA was doing that for Valentines day, I would have made you something :(
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:iconsparrowcrazy:
sparrowcrazy Feb 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Really... then who sent it? :XD: I got an anonymous card and I have no idea who it's from. :XD:

Thank you dear :hug: I quite understand, the same has been for me.. I have been studying a lot lately and haven't had that much time for da either..

Well to be honest I had no idea they did that either.. the fact that I suddenly got a card was what spurred me to send away a few.. but I was near to miss the day alltogether, seeing as I don't really celebrate valentines day. :XD:

It's good to hear from you though... I hope your ok otherwise? Good luck with your studies!
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:iconoaklungs:
thank you so much for the favourite :love:
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:iconcolleenirish:
ColleenIrish Jan 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fav again!
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:iconaltocello:
altocello Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very much for the fave on "When You Needed Saving" :)
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